A Season of Remembrance

I've found this Holiday season to be one of remembering the past. For Christians this Holiday season is about remembering the birth of our Savior. It is also a time to remember the past year(s). These past two Christmases have been so vastly different than the other 18 that I've had.

When you have a child you no longer think about yourself nonstop; everything revolves around what is best for them (whether or not you decided to parent). Last Christmas I only thought about H and what she was doing for her first Christmas. I thought about the traditions her family might be doing, what Santa might have brought her, or if she was really fitting into their family (it would have only been a month and a week after placement). This Christmas I thought about H. If she got my presents in time, if she loved unwrapping her gifts, if she had a yummy Christmas breakfast, etc. But this Christmas I didn't worry about H. I smiled at the thought of her laughter when she opened her gifts and the joy when she experienced her siblings happiness and excitement.

I'm happy at where I am now and H is happy too. This season of remembrance has been healthy and healing for me. Being able to see where H and I started to where we are now is truly inspiring and heart warming. Someday I hope we can look back at our journeys together.