Have you ever lost yourself? You get so caught up in life that you forget who you are and what your purpose is? Well, I've lost me. I try so hard to please others and be who they need me to be that I lost who I am and I really don't like who I've become.
So where do I go from here? I want to just flip the script and start a new page. Completely blank, I want to write a new story. I wish it were possible to delete people out of your life and refill with others who remind you of who you are everyday, so that you never get lost again.
I don't like who I've become. I'm not a bad person and I don't do bad things, but I care too much what others think and I go above and beyond to please them. I've lost my footing in Jesus Christ and have slipped into servant mode for others instead of for Him. I've turned to receiving my validation from men and not God. I strive to be told I'm beautiful and I feel ugly when they don't follow through. Where do I go from here?
I want to disappear. Take a month off from work, family, technology. Stay in a lake cottage and get back to the basics: God's creation. Get back to the earth and really appreciate what is around me. I'm so sick of being there for other people, when they're not there for me. I've come to a sad realization that no matter how much you do for others, they will not do the same for you if they do not desire to.
So where do I go from here? I pray, pray without ceasing. My prayer is that God takes these people out of my life (because Lord knows I can't do it myself), so I can start anew.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
The Race Issue?
It still exists? What?
My daughter is half white and half black. She is absolutely the most gorgeous child I have seen in my life, and I'm not just saying that because I birthed her. Her skin glows like she's an angel. Her hair is light brown and curly just like mine. Her eyes are bright and full of excitement. Her smile lights up the room, even just from a Polaroid. I look at this little miracle and can't even fathom how someone could hate her because she is both white and black.
Today, a guy I have been getting to know brought up the fact that he "doesn't like blacks." I was speechless. He doesn't know about H, but would he have said the same thing to me if he knew I had a mixed daughter? Sure, I like this guy. We've been learning a lot about each other lately, but that was it. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Just like a single mother who goes on dates has to think about the child she left back at home, I have to think about H. I want H to be a part of my life when I get married and that means that my husband will know that she is also half black. I would never think twice about bringing someone who "doesn't like blacks" into my family to one day learn about H and realize that she is half black.
It honestly breaks my heart to hear a boy my age say something so ignorant about others. I believe all people should be treated equally. No matter your race, ethnicity, sexuality, weight, hair color, whatever; I will love you regardless and I will be your confidant and your sister in Christ. Where do we draw the line? I've never been so disappointed in my generation as I am today. The color of my daughter's skin does not label her as anything but a wonderful gift from God. The color of anyone's skin does not label them or make them better or worse than someone else.
Really missing you tonight babygirl. Keep growing and being wonderful you!
My daughter is half white and half black. She is absolutely the most gorgeous child I have seen in my life, and I'm not just saying that because I birthed her. Her skin glows like she's an angel. Her hair is light brown and curly just like mine. Her eyes are bright and full of excitement. Her smile lights up the room, even just from a Polaroid. I look at this little miracle and can't even fathom how someone could hate her because she is both white and black.
Today, a guy I have been getting to know brought up the fact that he "doesn't like blacks." I was speechless. He doesn't know about H, but would he have said the same thing to me if he knew I had a mixed daughter? Sure, I like this guy. We've been learning a lot about each other lately, but that was it. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Just like a single mother who goes on dates has to think about the child she left back at home, I have to think about H. I want H to be a part of my life when I get married and that means that my husband will know that she is also half black. I would never think twice about bringing someone who "doesn't like blacks" into my family to one day learn about H and realize that she is half black.
It honestly breaks my heart to hear a boy my age say something so ignorant about others. I believe all people should be treated equally. No matter your race, ethnicity, sexuality, weight, hair color, whatever; I will love you regardless and I will be your confidant and your sister in Christ. Where do we draw the line? I've never been so disappointed in my generation as I am today. The color of my daughter's skin does not label her as anything but a wonderful gift from God. The color of anyone's skin does not label them or make them better or worse than someone else.
Really missing you tonight babygirl. Keep growing and being wonderful you!
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