Where Do I Go From Here?

Have you ever lost yourself? You get so caught up in life that you forget who you are and what your purpose is? Well, I've lost me. I try so hard to please others and be who they need me to be that I lost who I am and I really don't like who I've become.

So where do I go from here? I want to just flip the script and start a new page. Completely blank, I want to write a new story. I wish it were possible to delete people out of your life and refill with others who remind you of who you are everyday, so that you never get lost again.

I don't like who I've become. I'm not a bad person and I don't do bad things, but I care too much what others think and I go above and beyond to please them. I've lost my footing in Jesus Christ and have slipped into servant mode for others instead of for Him. I've turned to receiving my validation from men and not God. I strive to be told I'm beautiful and I feel ugly when they don't follow through. Where do I go from here?

I want to disappear. Take a month off from work, family, technology. Stay in a lake cottage and get back to the basics: God's creation. Get back to the earth and really appreciate what is around me. I'm so sick of being there for other people, when they're not there for me. I've come to a sad realization that no matter how much you do for others, they will not do the same for you if they do not desire to.

So where do I go from here? I pray, pray without ceasing. My prayer is that God takes these people out of my life (because Lord knows I can't do it myself), so I can start anew.