A Mother's Love

 March 2011, I found out I was pregnant at 18. I was scared, angry, disappointed, sad, and even a little happy. In the WalMart parking lot I cried my heart out to my best friend, Ali. I was terrified about what I had to do next. We sat there for an hour talking over all the possibilities; abortion, adoption, and parenting. My whole life I've been pro-life, but in those first minutes all you can think about is "getting rid of the problem". Ali knew me and reminded me that I'm not that kind of person and that this child deserved life. Who was I to end an innocent life? This child could end up doing amazing things for our world and for God's kingdom. After I got myself together we had decided that I'd go speak with her family for advice. They were understanding, yet very upset themselves. Ali's mother was a nurse and father was a pastor, so I figured they could help me figure out how to tell my mother.

 I left their house and made the drive home. It was the scariest drive I made in my life. I was crying the whole way home and trying to find a way to tell my mom. I went over all sorts of scenarios in my head and none of them seemed to turn out good. I pulled in the drive way. Went through the front door, saw my mom sitting in the living room on her computer. My heart racing, I said Hello and went straight to my room. I paced for a couple minutes trying to figure out how to just get this over with. I had both pregnancy tests in my pocket as I walked back into the living room. I looked at my mom and tears streamed down my face. My mom looked up to me with worry in her eyes as I handed her the pregnancy tests. I can still remember the change in her face from worried to disappointment and anger. I fell to the ground and sobbed as my mom sat in silence staring at the pregnancy tests.

 In a stern voice she asked me, "Who is the dad?" The biggest problem about that question is that I wasn't dating anyone. I saw this guy for 2 weeks. He was much older than me and already had 3 kids, never married. I had met him through Facebook, as far as I can remember. He really wasn't my type so it's still confusing to me how I even started talking to him. I showed my mom his Facebook profile and told her how things happened. It was the first time I hung out with him at his house, we were both getting ready to leave and before I knew it I was on his bed and we were having sex. All I remember is saying no and asking him to stop. Finally he did and we both left. I was the only one who left in tears though. I got home and acted as if nothing had happened. Inside I was freaking out. So I called Ali and told her, then I called my other friend Erin and she told me that I should get PlanB. So the next day she took me to get the pill. After I had taken it I felt so relieved and I vowed to myself to never see him again. Clearly that vow didn't hold up. For some reason I went back to him. I saw him for another week, having sex 3 more times. 2 of those were unprotected like the first. Then after I had spent the night at his house he never talked to me again. I found out later he was seeing another girl.

 After I told my mom the whole story there was a lot of yelling, throwing things, tears, and then silence. I remember at the end of the night I asked, emotionally and physically exhausted, "Mom, can I just go to bed?". I was laying in bed for a couple minutes when my mom came in my room and laid down beside me. She gave me a hug and said, "I will be there for you every step of the way. Whatever you need I will help you. We can talk about options later if you want. I love you and I always will."

 I knew from that point forward what a mother's love really was. I had given my mom the worst news a mother could hear, yet she still loved me. She would do anything for me and wanted the best for me in the worst situation. And that's exactly what I had to do for my child. No longer was it about me, it was about the life that was growing inside me. This was the beginning of the rest of my life as a mom.