Relapse

Have you ever had that day where it takes all your strength to not do something? You know that if you do it you won't feel any better and in the end you're just hurting yourself with your nosiness? I've had a couple of those before, always having to do with H's birthdad. I would log on to my bestfriend's Facebook account and more or less stalk H's birthdad. I'd go through his Facebook and his girlfriend's Facebook. I'd look through their pictures and read through comments. All with the hopes of finding them miserable. But in the end I was the miserable one.
I haven't done that in many months, but tonight I just have this feeling of needing to check his Facebook, see where he is, find out if their baby has been born yet, see how fat his girlfriend got, etc. The only reason I want to look is to somehow feel justified with where I'm at. I think I'm at a really good place! But I know that if I take that step and creep into his life that I'll just be taking major steps backwards in my own.

I'm honestly writing this to keep myself away from his Facebook and hers. I can already feel the disappointment in my stomach as if I'd already looked. I don't want to take steps back or allow him to control my life when he isn't even present in it. I don't want to relapse. So please, if you read this say a prayer of strength for me. God has been working in my life and I don't want the devil to drag me down. Please, join me as prayer warriors and help God have the victory over this in my life!