"One day, you'll wake up and it'll be hours, maybe even the whole day when you finally realize you haven't thought of her at all. And when that day comes, don't feel guilty! It's a sign of healing. It's okay." I can hear my mom saying that as if it were yesterday. It was actually a week or so after placement.
Well, today was that day. I didn't realize till just now 12:00 am May 22, 2012 that I didn't think of H at all yesterday. Do I feel guilty? Not exactly, but I do feel sad. I ask myself, "How can you not think of her?! That's your daughter." But then I tell myself, "Yes, she is my daughter, but she is also their daughter." And I realized why I didn't think about her yesterday. I am not her parent. My life does not revolve around her feedings, dirty diapers, trips to the store for more baby food, etc. My life revolves around work, taking care of my house, watching over my grandparents, and getting my body back in shape.
"It's okay." Yes, it is okay. I still love her just as much as when I first laid eyes on her beautiful face. So memo to myself... it's okay.
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