Gave Up

I hate it when people say "Oh, she gave you up for adoption." It might just be how I approached adoption in the first place, or just common sense.

Those words are very negative to a birthmom. I did not give my daughter up or just give her away. It was a very hard, emotional process to choose if adoption was the best choice. In my heart I knew it was, but in my selfishness I wanted her to myself.

When people say that birhtmom's just give their children away it gives them a certain reputation of not wanting them. Giving up = unwanted. And this is not true! Of course there are exception to the rule in everything, but I feel like I can speak for every birthmother when I say we wanted our children! But we also took the time to rationally think about the future. We wanted what was best for our children more than what we wanted ourselves. Personally, I would have been a great mother. I could have loved H and given her everything that I was able to provide. But H deserved more than what I could just provide. She deserves a mom AND a dad, financial stability, an abundance of toys on her birthday, family vacations, an amazing education, etc. H and I would have been able to get by, but she wouldn't have anything that she has now if I would have been too selfish and had chosen to parent.

So, if you've never thought about it, think about it now. Instead of saying "..gave up her baby." how about you re-word and say "..released her baby." or maybe "..relinquished her baby." Does it mean the same thing? Yes. But "gave up" has such a bad connotation and it doesn't do us birthmom's any justice. So, please think twice before you speak. Because if any other birthmom is anything like me, they'll cringe when they hear that they "gave up" their baby.